Promotional Suck: People

The following people's online personalities make an online living as liars.

The following people are from Authonomy. These people claim to be writers. As with many things the world over there are good and there are bad. The following is the list of the bad. The bad writers not bad writing. Sure they might write well, but being a douchebag and a good writer isn't a very good combo, now, is it? Click on their links and you will be brought to their works and you can judge for yourselves. Judge the liars of Authonomy. Good liars make good writers? Yeah, right.

Not only are they douchebags, but liars. Liars because they choose to use lies to spread about people they do not know. And in doing so cause more damage in their wake than they care to admit to. And when that sort of online play is flipped on them, they cry like little British Pussy Cats. Sissies, if you will. Even if they are American, they're the weaker counter parts by their shining personality. Especially if they are a pig from Florida.

Published (as we know with Twilight) doesn't a good writer make. I'm pretty sure you've read some duds in your day and some in your future.

Groaner 

Who happens to be the first on the list? Groaner the dictionary name stealing pig. Though originality isn't with him in name, it is also not with him in humor. Might as well prepare yourself to be underwhelmed with his comedic flaws. Do enjoy reading his book. I'm sure it'll bring out the swine in you.

William Holt

As you'll see William is the douchebag name of the century. This William misuses the idea “Thought Crime” in such a manner that one would have to call him a liar if he ever said he read “1984”, cause there is no way. Look at what he writes about thought crime. He might as well be writing about how the 1900 Galveston Hurricane was just a bunch of wind. I don't know which is worse a creatively retarded English Professor or a Mentally Deficient Engineer (John Booth). Based on his idea of what makes a good thread the English Douchesser could be the winner if I would call it that. But I don't. I call it the loser of the losers. Read the pitch for “Faust's Butterfly” cause it shows you how into himself he is. Only an English Professor could write something so wordy. That's not a pitch, that's a mini book. The badge of honor on the book is a bad mark for the one that handed it over. Really, who would vouch for something so hollow other than a fellow hollower? 

That pretty thread he mentions Authonovillains had someone saying how good it was. He took half a word and mashed it with a whole word. It's no more creative than taking two pieces of bread and putting them together using peanut butter. If you're that amazed by that not cool combo then I have some ocean front property in Arizona. And based on your lack of finding what's creative and original you should buy that hook, line and sinker without smelling the cliché...which you can't anyway seeing how William Holt uses it as chloroform to get people to fawn over his not-wit.

John Booth

"Shaddowdon" has this lovely bit: "Peters looked to his colleagues for support. Bishop Peters was a big man who seemed to fill the room with his presence."

Bishop Peters mentioned first and then state Peters as the shorter name. He reverses it. Why? Because Booth is British and as a British person he thinks he knows everything and in knowing everything he proves he knows nothing. How that whacked out HarperCollins reviewer didn't catch that just shows what a trashy site it is. First they allow The Period Collective (Booth's creation) to run around dictating who gets to stay and then they review creative works by creatively retarded engineers and tell them they are geniuses. This site is connected to a trailer that is set on fire by a fart and a match. As for Booth, he needs to read the “Phantom Tollbooth” cause his likeness is in that book. The Humbug of course. He shares said character with his Period Collective. If you go in the Faux Agent thread their suggestions are so vague the people who use the help are better off getting help from a blind-deaf man. Not to mention Booth is the King of Liars on Authonomy. He probably spit cleans his crown.

Ferret

She is the LY-ADVERB Queen. This is not something you'd want to be. Read her first page of “Zamorna”. Replace all the LY-ADVERBS with LIKE and you'll read how obnoxious it is to use them so often. She might as well stamp California Dolt on her forehead and be done with it. If you do risk your time reading her book, note how talented she is if she didn't over use LY-ADVERBS. Talk about silting your writing wrist and bleeding all over the place. Good EMO GOD. It's no wonder she agreed name the group the Period Collective. It's her favorite state of mind. She barely can think for herself without the man taking the lead for her. It's pretty sad that the Woman's Movement happened and she spits in its face by following the lead of John Booth and his urinal buddy Richard Matiland. Don't trust her opinion, it can't come without being allowed. So you might as well never listen to her.

Bev Allen

Speaking of follower...Bev Allen. If you knew her you'd nod your head. She is a follower through and through. Read her opinions in the Faux Agent thread. All she has the ability to do is agree with her Period Collective cohorts. “Undiscovered Ends” reads like an unsure child with spacial problems. Read this: “Some large insect had found its way into the depths of one of the woven baskets which stood decoratively on a shelf behind the candidate and the resulting deep drone and soft thuds added to the tension filling the room.” That's one long sentence that might as well have been written by a kindergartner who just went camping over the summer. If one said that's who wrote it, I'd buy it as good writing. But when I'm told someone who is older than dirt on my kicks from kindergarten, then I'm disappointed in how people of today lower their standards on what is good writing.

Jack Cerro

He creates a thread that's for faux agents, but what he attracts are the most self absorbed critiquers on the entire site. If one read his work they'd guess him as an archaeologist cause his writing is as dusty as they come. Read this:

     “Luisa Ramirez is nineteen, immortal, and living in Jazz Age Miami. Some would consider it paradise, but for Luisa, it is more like paradise lost. Centuries have passed since her galleon washed up in the lagoon. Too many of her loved ones have grown old and died. She can no longer bear to be the custodian of their memories.
     So when Luisa falls in love with Anastasia, she is determined to free herself from her immortality, and live a single lifetime with the woman she loves. But Luisa’s life is not hers to give. She is bound to the nymph who once guarded the Fountain of Youth. Only by finding the nymph, and returning her to the Fountain, can Luisa become mortal again.
     Standing in her way is Miami’s other immortal citizen, Juan Ponce De Leon. He has claimed the Fountain, for his own, and will not relinquish his prize without a fight.”

Boring only covers all of it, but lame sums it all up. He mentions paradise twice in back to back sentences. That's bad. He should have started with the most interesting part of the entire wordy pitch...and that would be “Bound to a nymph that once guarded the Fountain of Youth, Luisa Ramirez lives a life that is not hers.” and went on from there. But because his friends SUCK at being creative, he is stuck with the above trite mess and accepts it as great. What a hapless moron. He chooses to be this way out of his lack of social skills that could afford him the ability to pick people to befriend who'd help him grow as a writer. Instead he's retard his instincts that has tricked him into believing those who post in the Faux Agent thread have his best interest at heart.

Cariad

How is “Stones” number 26 if not for whoring herself out? It's not because of the writing, that's for sure.

Read this: “Coo’s alcoholic brother Sam has died and her family is falling apart. Unable to speak of her own role in his death, or forgive her parents for failing to protect her, she is searching for a lifeline.”

That sentence is so convoluted that it's no wonder her post read as if she's some sort of malnourished handi-uncapable loser. That and she tries way too hard to be passive aggressive. She's so unreasonable in her idea of what is good writing she likes Richard Maitland's writing and opinions. She needs to get out more. Which is probably why she chose that avatar. She wishes she could leave the confines of her constricting mind. And anyone reading her views on writing knows that she's constricted worse than a boa.

Richard Maitland

I saved the King Douchebag for last. Not last as in I'm not doing any more, just last for this post. He needs to bring up the rear in someone's view, cause he's so into being first that humble is something this STD ridden guy can't catch. And by STD I mean Super Trite Douchebag. The moment you can point out where Richard admits to being wrong on writing is a moment one can call into question him being a douchebag. Until then, he's a douchebag. And by douchebag I mean DOUCHEBAG. The fact that he's British and hides his writing (in the crap closet) only makes him a ginormous douchebag that if NASA wanted to (but can't because Obama killed it), they could see him from space. He's a douchebag that all other douchebags look up to. Shockingly he does have writing up. Not that one can prove he wrote any of that. I wouldn't be shocked if someone proved him to be a plagiarizer. No one who posts asinine post like his could possibly have written anything worthy of being read. Not to mention he posts more lies than a liar at a lying convention.

Considering:

 “Spanning 4,000 years and most of infinity and beyond, The Sex Stone of Agassia involves an extensive cast of bumbling policemen, impoverished aristocrats, Bedouin tribesmen, cantankerous aunts, FBI agents, lost babies, obsessive inventors, red-neck sheriffs, Luftwaffe officers, homesick extraterrestrials, despots, goatherds, and well-endowed vicars.”

It reads like a cliché had sex with a cliché and then had sex with a cliché only after having sex with a cliché and then after all this sex birthed a big, fat, nasty, gross, greasy, fart of a cliché. With all his chest puffing he does the forum over, how can he write something so dumb? Because he's a douchebag.

On a wonderful closing note:

If you dare to venture to Authonomy beware of the idiots. They were kind enough to show themselves in this thread.  Of course that's not all of them, but that's a good chunk of them. If these people are who agents pick to publish books...well, there's no wonder why the publishing world is failing. Any group of people that claim to be mature that speak of others in this manner are neither mature nor sane. They are, however, selfish, uncouth, prattling fools. And anyone listening to anything they have to offer will lose not only a good chunk of their life, but be dumber for it.

You've been warned.

Until next time when I post about more liars that lie like dogs under a porch in the deep south.